Focus On People's Tones When They Speak

Distinguish from people who's tone is just a bit gruff and quick, and people who are just truly assholes. Both appear similarly off-putting at first glance.

You might confuse them both, but the former is fine and the latter really is not. Don't equate them together.

Distinguish between the two.

First, definitely reject assholes. These are people who make statements that are maybe just shy of derogatory. They make you pause with their statements. So pay attention to what they are actually saying.

Second, notice when people's speech styles are just different. It's fine if you think it's annoying or off-putting, but thinking someone speaks weirdly is not the same as thinking they say bad things. Being caught off guard is not often a strong basis for a moral judgement.

When you notice the 'issue' is just someone's speaking style, you'll get better at conversing with them too. Then it becomes about the exchange of ideas - the actual meaning that you convey to each other.

So notice your feelings, your snap judgements, and pay attention to what people are saying. You have no obligation to feel a certain way, but at least be consistent and clear about it.